With finals behind me, and the holidays before us, I believe it is time I give you an update...also I may have started over—again—and I wanted to let you guys know what I've learned as a writer by slowing down and starting over.
0 Comments
So this last week has been absolutely crazy. Spring Break is meant to be rejuvenating, but for a full time student, cashier, author, and daughter, I really didn't get a break. So, with a change of what I usually do, I figure I will write a blog, detailing what I did this last week.
We all have that one goal in life, that one dream, that one thing that we feel is our purpose in life. After writing a couple of essays for scholarships, and changing my major, again, I think I finally realized what I've always known mine was.
Last week, I had my first radio interview. It was nerve wracking and I was plagued by fear leading up to it, but from all accounts, I did well, and I've seen benefits from it already. My website views are up, and so are my Facebook page views. Things are starting to take off, but they never would have, had it not been for my willingness to do something that was hard.
So anyone who reads my books will know that Alyx is known for taking risks, risks that often pay off and get her where she wants to go. Unfortunately, I am nothing like her. I can write about risk taking, and talk about doing something all I like, when the time comes for me to take my own risk, I might just jump back like a scalded cat. And this blog was going to go in a different direction, but then again, thinking about it now, it couldn't have gone any other way. I live through my characters. When I am in the world of Alyx, I become her. I have no trouble jumping out of the helicopter, or charging into the enemy's hotel room with out back up. The problem is I can talk and talk about taking risks in real life. I'm going to do such and such, it'll be fun, but then I chicken out and run in the opposite direction. Ask my boss at work. I have been talking about this guy that I have a huge crush on for a year and a half, and now that things are happening, I'm freaking out. Because while I can talk and plan and plot, living the risk is a lot harder than writing about someone living the risk. But it is definitely worth it. The other day at work, I was giving my boss a million reasons why I couldn't do what he was suggesting, ranging from it won't happen, to I can't, in reference to this situation with this crush of mine. He told me that the thing that I feared most, that I was fighting against, if I followed through and took that risk, I could only benefit from it. I shook my head for the first 20 seconds, saying no way, I couldn't possibly benefit from what he was suggesting, but upon thinking about it, I looked at him and told him he was right and I hated it. I think my exact words were "Dang it you're right." Now, I realized he was right because I thought of an experience I had with my friend Michaela at Great America when I was probably 13 or so. It was my first time ever going to a theme park, or in other words, my first experience riding roller coasters. The first on we rode was kind of ridiculous and we didn't like it, but we discovered we liked rides like the Grizzly. As we looked around though, we saw this ride that you stood to ride, and it had a loop and a corkscrew. I took one look at it and knew that I didn't ride it, but my friend really wanted to, so I made her a deal. I told her if we could find the entrance, I would ride it. Now at this point, we had been trying to find the entrance for most of the day, and I thought there was no chance we would. Well we did, and I had to make good on my promise. Turns out, this ride, Vortex, was our favorite ride, and we went back to ride it another 3 or 4 times. By taking the risk of getting on that ride, I found enjoyment. And now I have myself really wanting to go ride it. I still haven't found another ride that I like as much as that one... The point is, I took a risk, and I benefited from it, in multiple ways. I am now more likely to get on a roller coaster, because I discovered that unless you try it, you don't know if you'll like it. (I still refuse to do drop towers. Those are ridiculous. I need speed and corners and not just a vertical drop, but now I'm thinking I'm going to have to try it as research for a book...) I have nothing to lose from taking chances, of exiting my shell and talking to this boy that I have a crush on. If he doesn't like me, then at least I broke my shell and I can be better prepared to talk to the next one. If he does, well then I might just go crazy because my stories are coming true again. I also have to take risks in writing. I can't tell you how many times I've written something, then tell myself that it doesn't work, that it's too brazen, and I need to mute it. I've taken a few of those risks in beginning to write New Gen Book 3. I began writing a chapter, and stopped several times, telling my self that it wasn't working, but going back and reading the chapter which is a couple chapters back now, I realized how powerful that chapter is. I posted the last line on Facebook when I wrote it, but I didn't realize that the whole chapter was brazen, and a risk, because you get into the head of the bad guy, the narrator starts justifying his actions, and that can be a very dangerous thing to do. By getting into their head, I'm allowing the reader to get closer to the bad guy, sympathizing with him, and if they sympathize with him, then how are they going to be happy when Alyx wins? But I have to get in his head to show how demonic he is. IT was a risk that paid off though, because as I was reading that chapter, I couldn't help but be impressed with the characters, surprised at how much I suddenly disliked Jackson. The point is, you don't know what you are capable of unless you take a risk and try. I just discover my best writing yet, and I got there through brazen scenes using the antagonists. Now, I just have to figure out how to have the courage to talk to a guy. It's a good thing my boss is going to be at work tomorrow. I'm going to need more advice.
I can't tell you how many hours I have just stared at my computer screen, trying to find the way to write SANE (my name for Spies Are Not Enough, or series 2 in the Circle of Fifths Universe). I am, and have always been a spy novelist, but last year I had this overwhelming desire to try something else. I was already planning on branching out to a dystopian series, and a science fiction novel, but I wanted to write something that was different, and I suddenly had this idea of what if I wrote a detective series and I ran with it.
The problem is, I have not read near enough detective novels, and have watched too many detective shows, and when I had the idea, I was thinking it would be way down the road. Well it's here, and I'm struggling. As I was writing last night, I must have asked myself a billion times if it was even very good. I WRITE SPY NOVELS FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! For me, I just feel like the book is moving too slow. I want things to happen NOW! I want to be able to switch perspectives and show the bad guys, and while I could, it takes away from the mystery. I wrote a chapter last night, that the more I think about it, the more I realize that I need to take it out, because while it works great for a spy novel, it doesn't work so well for a mystery novel. In short, what I'm saying is writing in third person and not developing the omniscient voice is very difficult for me. Last night when I went to bed, I had just about decided to scrap this book, to use it as a filler, as a novelette, to wait a few years to publish the series and to publish it as the spy series I know how to write. I slept on this decision, thinking for sure that come morning my mind would not have been changed. Instead, I woke up conflicted. Every time today while I was at work, and I would start considering getting rid of it, I would come up with a new reason I couldn't. The plot was setting up some major plot points for the later series, it sets up very important characters. I like the title, and if I get rid of the book, then I can't use this awesome title. Any time I started thinking about it, I groaned and tried to find another topic, because I was really undecided. I was convinced I wasn't doing the story any good, and I feel like I'm forcing it. Then I got home and as I was going through my past blogs, I began thinking of the struggles I went through for Royal Beginnings. I know I've written about it before, but there was a point in 2014 that I was working on Royal Beginnings and I asked myself if it was even necessary. I was two seconds away from hitting the delete button when I decided that I would work with it, that I would make it better, and I would enjoy writing it. And I did. And I discovered that once I wrote the first book, it was a lot easier to write the succeeding books for that series. I'm having the same problem now. I'm trying to meet the character and get to know them, learn how to describe them, and that has to be the hardest part. Kate and Lynn, and Alyx, and Lyshiria, and Michael have been part of my life, have been teaching me about themselves for seven years. I only just met Emily and Jack and Bryan and Paige, and I have to write as if the characters are good friends. I guess I need to learn fast. My point is, Royal Beginnings is a good book because I had the perseverance to stick with it when I felt like giving up, and it has created a great foundation to build a series on. Now I need to use the same perseverance to create the strong foundation for my second series. I said I would write it, so now I must! Aly Kay Ok, I may well be the worst blogger, and I will accept that, but I'm writing this blog now, and I have a lot that has happened that I need to tell you all.
I posted this picture on Instagram on July 4th. Yes, it's a picture of me printing my first completed manuscript! I finished it early morning on July 4th, and when I typed the last word, added the last period, then pasted the last chapter into the Royal Beginnings word document, my excitement overcame me. (Then I fell asleep because it was 3 in the morning and I had to be to work at 8.) as I watched page after page print, I realized that the story I have had in progress for the last 5+ years is finally done ( and I need to speed up the process but you know I'm trying to be positive here.) But beyond that feeling, was the feeling that I have done something that I have been trying to do since first grade. I finally finished writing a book, and while the feeling of success is enough, I also have a feeling of hope. If I was able to do something I thought I would never be able to do, that I have only had dreams of doing since j was 7, then I can achieve all of my other dreams when I put my mind to it. I can be a doctor. It will be eight years of hard work, but I can do it. In the meantime, I think I will write and publish a few more books. (A girls got to pay for school somehow ya know?) Have hope, work hard, and someday, you can achieve your dreams too, even if it doesn't come as quick as you want it to. Keep at it and it will come eventually. In the meantime, I will keep you informed and hopefully we will have a release date soon! Aly Kay Tibbitts I feel like growing up, I have been told that I can only have one profession. When ever I was asked, "What do you want to be when you grow up" I got strange looks. When I was in elementary school, I would tell people I wanted to be doctor, teacher, and stay at home mom. I was strange because I was choosing three different professions. By eighth grade, I had decided that I could not be a teacher, and that I needed the education to become a doctor, so I started telling people just doctor. I narrowed myself to one track, one profession, but now that I am heading to college, I'm realizing that doesn't have to be the case. What is wrong with us that we force our children to decide what one thing they want to do for the rest of their lives? I was lucky that my oarents have encouraged me, but I feel even they believe in a one track mind set. I feel like our culture has so blinded us that we believe we can only do our complete best if we focus on one thing, one profession. I have recently discovered I have a knack for multiple things. If you follow my Facebook page, then you will have noticed that over the past few weeks, I have posted a bunch of character drawings for my five main characters as they attended Feilds Ball. I drew them. (1) art. I drew those for Royal Beginnings, book one in a Four or five book series. (2) writing I have been Google Sketch up to design Feilds Palace. (3) architecture I have had melodies pop up in my head that I have been trying to turn into songs. (4) music I just registered for classes at U of U to begin my major in Biology. (5) science I registered for a French class. (6) linguist aspirations I have considered a math major. To most people, my hobbies are full professions. When my dad came home from work and saw me designing Feilds Palace, he asked me if I was sure I didn't want to be an architect. I had an exchange with my dad last week about a lighting pattern in the Ballroom of U of U through i message, and his coworker asked him if I wanted to be a lighting designer. My dad asked me if I was going to pursue a career in medicine ignite became a successful author. I think he asked because most wouldn't. Honestly, I froze a little, but I think I will. I want to follow all of my career passions, and educational desires. I don't want to be a one track mind. I want to be the best I can in multiple fields. The fields I would like to learn about. Honestly, I realized last week that if I had unlimited money, I would probably spend the rest of my life getting degree after degree to satisfy my curiosity. It would be fun to learn more about engineering architecture and lighting design. I would love to study at least 3 languages, French German and Russian, but I don't think I would stop at those three. The idea of education excites me. But I'm not just a nerd. I'm an athlete. I'm an intellectual. I'm a Christian. Mormon to be more precise. I'm a hard working, minimum wage employee. Oh and I enjoy it. I'm sure if given the opportunity I would be a socialite. I enjoy and excel at each of the four core subjects. I may be better at some than others, but to me it doesn't make much of a difference. I love history for its ability to show me the future by showing me the past. I love math for its ability to show me that I can solve complex problems. I love science for its ability to explain the miracles of heaven. I love language for its ability to let me express myself. Why do I have to choose one? I choose not to. I think I would be a jack if all trades than a one track mind. My life the past few weeks has been a blur of activity. I went from being sick to leaving for California about three weeks ago. The drive was electric, as we were actually driving in the day light this time. The music, the light hearted ness we share, it was amazing, and could only have been better had my dad been able to come. The tripod course was so I could walk with my graduating class, and that too went by way fast, so fast that one of my coworkers asked me today if I hadn't been able to go back to California. But I don't think I would have had it any different. I think the trip was enough for me to wake me up, but not make me dread going back to my new normal. The trip gave finality. It told me that I once belonged there, but now I have a calling somewhere else. I think it stung a bit but it was a sting that told me to enjoy what I have now because things will change, I'm not going to alway be where I am, and I have to savor the joy of the moments I have now. I titled this blog whirlwinds, and I think it will have good reason. While we were driving across Northern Nevada, we came across a great many of dust devils, which are caused by whirlwinds. The dust from the desert get caught up in the wind and it starts spiraling towards the sky. The dust so easily was blown from its place and moved somewhere that maybe it didn't belong like the road. As I began thinking about this, I realized that was what my dad had been counseling me for... As a new graduate (at least sort of my diploma has a December date but u just got it) I am extremely malleable. As I approach college, I carry an odd sort of wide eyed curiosity. I am entering a new world and I am not quite sure what to make of it. My dad is concerned, because in a way I'm not exactly the rock that will undoubtedly hold my place. I am sometimes, but I think he is afraid that I am still the dust that is so easily blown to the wrong places. I have many goals. I want to become a publishe author. I want to become a doctor. And some day in my kind of but not really far off future, I would like to be able to have and raise a righteous family with a husband that treats me like my dad treats my mom, with the same unwavering love that he doesn't care if anyone else witnesses. But all of these things require my hard work. It requires me to be a rock, to not be blown by the winds of the world. My track to college a few months ago was simple. I was going to get a job and save up. I got the job, I always knew it would be temporary, but every time I think of moving on now, I find it really hard. Some of it is because I really like the atmosphere, but I think I am also letting the wind blow me. I'm letting fear and ignorance keep me somewhere I don't belong. Now I believe that right now I really do belong there, but every time I think that farther down the line, I will have to quit to move on to bigger things, to achieve my goal, I become sad and start to figure out how I can stay. For someone who had no clue I would be here a year ago and was eagerly embracing it, I am sure skidding to embrace the known future events. I'm going to quote my dad and his council for a second here. My dad tells me often not to let my short term wants and desires keep me from attaining my long term goals. I think it is council that every teen should recieve, and it is council I wish I hadn't brushed off as not applying to me until now. At home, school and church, I have been taught that the little acts of kindness make a huge difference. We don't usually have the opportunity to see these differences first hand, but sometimes, people tell us what a difference we have made. I bring this up because I have had three different people recently express to me the difference my small smile has made their day. Honestly, I didn't even realize that I was smiling, yet I was, and one of these people told me that my smile was infectious. The other flat out told me I had made his day. There is a special feeling that comes when you realize that some small thing you did made a difference in one person If at least for a few minutes. Maybe it is that feeling I get, a sudden inability to stop smilin, when I make a small difference, that makes me want to make a bigger difference. It's what drives me to write this blog, to write to publish my novel, that drives my desire to become a doctor. Those are the ways I want to make a difference. How do you want to make a difference? Maybe you want to become a teacher, an actor. Maybe you want to go into law, or politics, or maybe you want to protect our freedoms by serving in the military. Maybe you don't go to grand measures like these, but prefer to make a difference by touching one life at a time with a smile. It doesn't matter how you choose to make you difference, because I promise, once you realize the good you are doing, you will be overcome with such a feeling of joy, you won't be able to stop smiling. Yesterday was a good day for me. It was my day off, and the weather here in Utah is beautiful. Despite this, I ended up spending most of it inside watching TV with my sick sister. My days off always bug me, because I always feel like I waste it. I'm kind of one of thise people who love doing things. I'm athletic, so if I was still in school, I would be doing Track. The weather is warming up and perfect for bike rides. I recently got back into tennis. Not to mention how nice it would be to get out of the house and meet people. Yesterday was the same. I felt trapped in the house, and then of course, I got agitated. That was when I went out to get the mail... My walk gave me time to think. Seriously, I don't know about you, but something about the fresh air makes my thoughts move ten times faster. As I was out walking, thought about my story, sure, but for the most part I thought about my life, and the direction I want it to go in. I think I have always had a hard time with seeing my self. I don't even know what I want to see myself as. I used to say I didn't care, and I think to some extent that is true but in reality, I think my apathy stemmed from a lack in personal knowledge. I got out the door, and all of a sudden, I couldn't stand the house anymore. I'm pretty sure I made my mom pretty mad when I came back into the house and then quickly told her I was leaving to go for a walk when I was supposed to be making dinner. Point is, I left the house, and probably saw more of my neighborhood then I have seen in the four months I lived here, in an hour. And fear. There is a trail by my house. I think it is in what everyone calls the preserves. Basically it's some swampy land filled with wild life, and not the cool kind like deer, I mean the annoying kind like snakes and rodents and mosquitos. I look at the preserves almost every day and marvel at it's beauty, but as I was walking past, or more like through it, on the trail, I realized I was terrified of the things that could be lurking in the tall grass. (I would just like to blame these fears on my eleven months in Chino Hills. I don't like snakes, and we had one show up in our back yard. I have been petrified since then.) As I continued walking, I realized that wasn't the only thing I was afraid of. Our future is kind of like the preserves by my house. We can't see the things lurking in the grass waiting to reveal themselves to us. We can plan as much as we want, but somethings don't rely on us. No matter how much we plan, somethings are out of our hands, like our admission into the one and only college you applied to. Sometimes everything works out perfectly, like getting a job after ten minutes of your first ever interview. Othertimes you are unemployed for three years. I have been told I am an optimist, and my dad and brother think I am naive because I am. Honestly, yesterday as I stared into the preserves, my overactive imagination running wild, I laughed at that. How can someone who looks at nature and thinks of all the horrible things that could be hiding behind that beauty be an optimist? But yet, I am, because I believe that no matter what horrible things come, I believe, no, I know, that I can get through it, I know that everything happens for a reason, and instead of getting bogged down in the negativity of it, I think forward to how much stronger I will be as a human being for going through what I am, or have, or will. Life's trail will be long and hard and there will be many surprises, but because I know who I am, because I have discovered myself, I am ready for it. And when all is said and done, I will be able to enjoy a beautiful sunset of success. It doesn't seem to matter what form of entertainment you choose. The biggest theme of entertainment is escape. I don't mean that it is the primary theme. Usually it is hidden, usually, it is just your reason for choosing entertainment. We want to escape our daily lives, we want to experience something else. We want escape. For me that escape is usually paired with an adrenaline rush. I posted on Facebook last week, my excitement at how my book is coming along, the fact that I was reading some of the last chapters I had written and shaking with excitement, and then how I was slapping my legs and going where is he rest? That is how I felt tonight, but not reading my book, but finishing the 5th book in the Lorian Legacy novels, and by the way the next one won't come out for another like 5 months. I was sad to see that my escape had to take a reprieve, in the middle of their escape. Yet I was on such an adrenaline high, my heart pounding in my chest that I ignored my voice of reason telling me to go to bed and instead watched the new episode of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Let's just say that did not help. I finished the episode 20 minutes ago and I think I am still shaking and my heart is most definitely still pounding. It is exactly this feeling that caused me to watch the entire series of the Tomorrow People in two days a couple weeks ago. It is that feeling that drives me to write, because believe it or not, my most common form of escape, is writing, it's my own imagination. I'll be honest. Writing is very slow going and isn't quite the roller coaster I experience with books or movies (which is why I still read books and watch movies) but it is fulfilling, and I can use my imagination even when it seems like it would've impossible to escape. For instance, in the middle of class. The only way I was able to survive tests, and I mean the state standardized tests that are two hours each and boring as watching grass grow, was to use my imagination. Most often, I would imagine I was a teacher helping a student answer the questions in front of me. I'm not sure, but o believe there was even some mouthing of words, and I'm pretty sure I called myself a stupid kid a few times. (I think it is a good thing I decided I didn't want to be a teacher anymore. Those poor kids would not learn a thing from me.) now, the only way I survive he hour of doing carts outside, is by making up stories (oh yeah, doing carts has inspired a new series that I will probably do 10 years down the road.) Basically, if I seem distant, it's because I'm in my own world. Maybe literally. I think escape is what keeps us sane. The world has gotten quite depressing, and each and everyone of us finds our own way to cope, to escape the pain. Some people just numb their selves with drugs and alcohol. Some people bury themselves in work. There are video games, music, TV shows, movies, and books. In my opinion some are better than others, as in my opinion, impairing your brain function to escape doesn't solve any problems, it just creates more. By choosing a coping method that sparks imagination, we increase brain function, and we actually increase our ability to solve problems in the real world. That is if we don't over do it. There is always the problem with escape that sometimes people lose contact with reality. Everything in moderation, I believe works well here. Watch a little news, to keep up on current affairs. Be aware of what is going on the world, because ignorance is not an option either. Escape every once in a while, whether it be a good book or just creating your own stories. But mostly, be happy to exist in your day to day activities. I may be described as an optimist, but there is always something positive that can be pulled from any situation. Everyone wants escape. Find yours, and your view on life might improve too. Not to mention, you can read, or maybe write some awesome stories. For a while, it really bugged me when a character said this in the movies. To me I always thought it was stupid that they said this then went and did awesome. Maybe I am just late to the party, and I probably am, but I realized its meaning, when I used it myself. I have fallen upon a few major changes recently, and they all hit me at about the same time. I turned 18, graduated high school and moved to a new state in December. In January, I got my first job, and since then, I have been working close to 40 hour weeks. In other words, I am at adult hood. Now, I have it easy. As long as I follow my parents rules and work, and when it comes time to go to school, go to school, I can stay at home. So I am still a dependent, and have the opportunity to learn what some adult responsibilities are with out the worry of all of them. My idea was to wait for state residency before applying to go to college in this new state, you know, so it will be cheaper. However, I realized last week that it was an excuse for me. I have a ridiculus amount of time to think at work, as I mentioned last week, and I have been realizing that I have always said that I wanted to go to college when I got there but can't believe that I am there now. My idea of waiting for residency was my way of hiding that I didn't think I was ready for college. Well, I couldn't be more ready, and the longer I wait, the worse I will be, not the better. So yes, I am as ready as I'll ever be, because I'm still not confident, but know if I wait any longer I will start to question even wanting to go to college and I will be stuck doing unskilled jobs, when I want to be a doctor. Now I am anxiously looking forward to my future. I am nervous, of course, but I can't wait for my future. I'm sure before I know it, I will be looking back at this post, will goals achieved, and I will cringe that I used that phrase. For now it defines me, so for now I use it. For now it gives me the courage to take the next leap. What will it give you courage to do? So the subject of this blog is a bit of an accident. As I have mentioned before, I work at a grocery store as a bagger, and one of my jobs is to bring in carts. We are sent out in hour increments to bring in carts. So for one of my hours of carts today, I was out there thinking about what I could write a blog about, because really, there was nothing else I could do. So as I was thinking, I decided I could write about passion, but I couldn't think of the word passion, I could think of passionate, but every time I tried to figure out the base word, I said patience. Then I realized, passion was patience. So let me explain. Passion will become nothing if you do not have the patience to see it through to the end. For example, I have the desire to become a doctor. So what turns that desire into a passion, the answer is quite simply the patience (no pun intended). I can say I want to be a doctor all I want, but if I don't have the patience to see me through my undergraduate and graduate degree, then it will never happen, and then was it really a passion, or just a dream. The answer is that it was just a dream. Now I know that patience is something we all struggle with. I can't wait to finish my books and share them. I am passionate about them, and want to share them, but it will take much hard work and patience to finally have one ready to share. It will probably take working full time, attending school full time, writing and publishing my books ful time inorder to pay for medical school. It won't be easy, but that is my passion, so that is what I will do. Passion comes from the Latin verb patere, which means to suffer. Patience means to accept or tolerate suffering ( among other things, like delay but you get the point). Knowing this, my link between passion and patience makes even more sense. No one wants to suffer. As a human being, it is in our nature to run away from pain and suffering. When we touch a hot stove, our body instinctively pulls away. If passion is suffering for a goal we have, then we need to pair this with patience in order to achieve the goal of the passion. Passion is patience. Passion is having the patience to endure the trials so we can reach the goal. It probably won't be on the timeline that we want, in fact I can almost guarantee that it won't be, but if you have th faith, the passion, and the patience, and you put in the hard work necessary, if you withstand the suffering, you will get there, eventually. Home. It's a place many of us talk about. Home is our anchor.Home is where we know who we are, where we learn who we are. Most of us think of home as the house we live or the city. When I was young, home was Las Vegas, the three bedroom, two bath, single-story house with the great view of the mountains behind us. When I was nine, we moved to Fresno. I was excited to move, it was a new adventure and I got to live in a state I had never been to before. I thought California would be amazing. I got to Fresno and discovered Las Vegas was still where my heart was. I moved to Mountain house ( a suburb of Tracy ) and I loved the house we were renting. I wasn't happy about the move to Tracy, but 11 months in Chino Hills made me appreciate it, so I was thrilled to move back. Now I am in Utah, and I love it too. My point? I have moved eight times in the past nine years, for a grand total of nine times in my eighteen years of life. I don't have a place that I called home anymore. Do I call the place that I was born home? I love Las Vegas to this day, and love to brag but I'm third generation native, but I couldn't go back. It wouldn't be the same. I hated Fresno. I loved the house in Mountain House but I can't go back. Tracy was okay, but I don't know where I would go. I couldn't stand Chino Hills. North Salt Lake is okay, but I'm not sure how long I'll stay or where I would go if I don't. So I guess, by many people standard of home, I don't have one. But in reality, I do, and my many moves have helped me discover it. For me it's people. I can be at home where ever I am if I am with people I love. When I think of home, I no longer think of a single place. I think of the house in Mountain House, and the people from everywhere I've lived. For me it doesn't matter where in the world I live because home is the people I've met. It's the lesson I've learned, a lesson that I think my dad, as the son of an Air Force pilot, learned as a child. I always enjoy listening to my dad and uncles and aunts talk about the places they lived growing up, because it's never the place that they talk most about, it's the people they knew there. It's this remember so-and-so and then the laughs that they share about the story about so-and-so. So honestly, I think I would rather keep moving, so I can meet more people. When I was younger and living in Las Vegas, one of my favorite Winnie the Pooh books included the lyrics to a song.
Those words have stuck with me, and have helped me find my true home. I think that the more I move the more I will have a home. Influence, it's a powerful thing. It can be used for good or bad. We all have our own sphere of Influence. The people in your sphere of influence probably consists of your family and friends, at least, those are the only people you think are in your sphere. In reality, it is much bigger... I have always viewed myself as someone who doesn't draw much attention, and I have enjoyed it. I always thought that no one noticed me, unless I wanted them to. I have had experiences recently that have shattered that notion to pieces. I recantly got a job at a local store. Store means customers, and I am up at the front end so there is no way that I can avoid customers. Still, I had this notion that I was invisible, that I was just that girl who bagged your groceries. I thought what I did didn't matter and that no one would remember my name at the end of the day. However, the more I have worked there, the more I realized that my notion was very very wrong. Our store does online surveys, as they feel customer experience is very important and we want to improve it for them. It is encouraged that customers mention in the comments anyone who helped them so we too get feedback and see what we as an individual can do. They then post a chart in the back of the number of times that an associate was mentioned in the surveys. When the chart was posted last week, I had the most mentions of all the baggers. I had even had a customer wait on the check stand lane so I would bag for them because I looked like a good bagger. I'm being noticed. This was on my mind last Sunday while I was at church. I have matured quite a bit on the past couple years and was quietly meditating, when I looked up and saw a little girl intently watching me, being the most well behaved I have ever seen. She was watching me and following my example, at least kind of. Over the past little bit I have discovered that people see me. There are quite a few more people in my sphere of influence than I thought. People are watching what you do. We all need direction in life and often we look to others and their experience to find it. While we may not feel worthy of the attention, we will get it, so we need to watch what we do. While that was one lesson that I learned from it, I also discovered that I was proud to be different, I was proud to be invisible. It was humbling to find out that I wasn't as invisible as I thought I was. I should not be proud of hiding. I should not be proud. Maybe that is why I felt I needed to write this, to admit that I need to stop hiding, or trying to. Alyx McLean chose to stop hiding. She chose to take action and use her talents to help others. I need to follow the example of my character. I knew it with my mind, now I know it with my heart, and I am going to make my change, use my talent for good, stop hiding. Will you join me? So back to school is upon us and I am really sad because that means it will be harder for me to work on my books. However, I always have to look around me when I'm at school and this being my senior year has opened my eyes I think...
After the overwhelming success of last week's post, I must admit I find it hard to come up with a new post. I talked about inspiration once before, and let me just say, it is hard to come by sometimes. So maybe, it's time for some background, a deeper story than I've gone before. Maybe you know me, maybe you don't. It doesn't matter either way, because I pride my personality on hiding parts of myself for just me. In other words, I'm telling you that you probably don't know me as well as you think. I mean, accept for the fact that I know how hard getting published can be and wanted a jump start on it, hoping if I could get a fan base, then it would be easier, I probably wouldn't even be writing this. I have conversations with myself. They are sometimes very deep and meaningful, like last week's blog. That was one of those conversations with myself, rather I should say that it was something I was meditating on in my alone time, and it made it onto paper so beautifully, at least I thought it did. My writing hasn't always expressed my thoughts quite so well. I haven't always been able to express myself so well. I think maybe it's time you got to know me a little bit better. I was a curious child growing up. I drove my mom nuts by the constant asking "Why". We would watch a movie. I would ask why. We were listening to music. I would ask why. I don't know if there was ever a time I wasn't asking why. I was asking why on things most people never thought about. Have you ever asked how the motorcycle at the beginning of Girls Girls Girls by motley crew moves across the room. Obviously it has to do with how they balance the music between the left and right speaker, but have you ever asked how they record it. I did when I was four, and then listened intently as my father explained the process of recording music for me. I grew up in a home with a dictionary and thesaurus, not to mention a subscription to the World of Knowledge Encyclopedias. I always just assumed it was because it was something every family had in their library. Come to find out, my mother bought the Encyclopedias because of my curiosity. I was asking questions she didn't have the answers to, and I don't think Google was around yet. I think it was my curiosity, and my parents way of satisfying it that sparked my interest in reading. If I asked a question, I was told to look it up. An association of reading to learning was made, and as a curious child, I wanted to learn. Thus I learned how to read, and learned to love it. Not very many people enjoy reading to the extent my brother and I learned to read. We have such a passion, that our punishment isn't taking away the video games so we do our chores, it is taking the books away so we will do the chores. We love reading. I can swallow a book, sometimes a very big book, in a day. I love the way reading cultivates my imagination, that it puts me in another place. I see knew things, and I learn from them. The Imagination I have developed because I have read is tremendous. I have often played games with my siblings, beyond the normal family that most kids play. We have played Spies, we have created our own businesses and played for weeks over the summer. Eventually, those ideas, those games, turned into ideas for books. Namely, one game I played with my siblings the summer before my seventh grade year, turned into the idea for The Princess Spy. Maybe you are sitting there reading this going, I thought she changed Princess Spy to Royal Beginnings. I have, and I use Princess Spy for good reason. The game that I played with my siblings changed when I made it into a book. Technically, the draft I started my seventh grade year was not titled Princess Spy, the second draft was, but close enough. Maybe you remember when I renamed Princess Spy Royal Beginnings. I made a comment about how awful it was. Luckily the seventh grade drafts were lost when my mom's computer crashed, so I don't have to read those and see how awful those were (and trust me, it was awful because the one chapter that I found written was AWFUL!) My writing has improved, and through it I have discovered a talent. My imagination and love for reading turned into a talent to express myself well through writing. So now, I ask, what will my talent for writing bring? I may meet another great talent I have, or maybe, I will find my purpose. We all have purpose, and we have our opportunities to find it. I'm not going to take a risk and miss mine. You shouldn't either. Thank you for supporting me. I see it, and I am very grateful for it. I will do everything I can to show my gratitude, it is not enough say it. Hopefully it will be a complete book soon. For now it is this blog.
Be warned. This is not really about any of my books, although many of my recent posts haven't been. This post is about you, so if you don't want to read more, I understand. What makes you special? We've heard it before, in countless movies, in countless books. Steve Rodgers in Captain America was asked the same question. He said nothing. When he said nothing he lied, and when we say nothing, we are lying too. Not just to the person asking, but to ourselves. Every one has something about them that makes them special. We are all different. None of us are the same, not exactly. Many of us may have similar morals, ideals of what is right and wrong. That is why government works, but we are different, and not just because science tells us we are. We are not bricks. We have different functions, different talents, different roles. That is how society works. If everyone were the same, if we all had the same talents and same personalities, even if we were all really nice people, we wouldn't have friends. Would you want to hang out with someone who was the exact same as you? Who had the same thoughts, who had the same talents as you? I know the answer is no, and for some people it is hard enough to make friends, sometimes we need a little push, we are forced to rely on someone else's talents to help us and then we get to know them and they become one of our greatest friends. If we all had the same talents that wouldn't happen, we wouldn't need any help, and if we did no one could help us. Think about your friends and how you met. You know I'm right, don't you. Everyone is special. We are all special in our own way. What makes me special? I think my maturity and strength with the written word does. So does my optimism and hope. My dreams make me different. I am kind, but sometimes withdrawn and quiet, so you wouldn't know. I am smart. I know that not one of these things is unique just to me. many people have the the traits I have listed, but it is the combination of traits that is unique to me. And those aren't all. I'm discovering new ones every day.
discovering. So I know the title is a bit weird, but that was what prompted this post. I bet you don't know what Balm of Gilead refers to, you may not have even ever heard it before. I sing it in church fairly often, and had no clue what I was saying, which is a problem I vow to fix. I mean, I understand the importance of words. I have taken AP English. I have studied texts and their meanings. Yet I have never applied what I learned in class to my life outside of school. I have never truly looked at what the texts I read for personal enjoyment and asked myself what it is meant to mean.
Faith. Hope. Courage. What drives people? What makes success? Is it the Faith that we will succeed? Is it the Hope that everything will turn out well? Or is it the courage to do something besides what every one says. I think it is all.
This year, I find myself in yet another new place. This is giving me many new opportunities. This relocation gave me the motivation to graduate early, which is why it has been a while since I have posted anything. That means now that I have moved, I have more opportunity to write, and with this opportunity, I have soared.
I have often heard authors thank their fan base for making them who they are. I must say from the support I have had already, without even publishing a book, I am indeed grateful for.my "fan base".
The intro to Castle had a very good and important truth. "Every good writer needs inspiration" Nathan Fillion says in his character Richard Castle, "And I found mine."
|
AuthorAly Kay Tibbitts, YA Spy Novelist, English Major, and just your average daughter. Archives
December 2017
Categories |