My life the past few weeks has been a blur of activity. I went from being sick to leaving for California about three weeks ago. The drive was electric, as we were actually driving in the day light this time. The music, the light hearted ness we share, it was amazing, and could only have been better had my dad been able to come. The tripod course was so I could walk with my graduating class, and that too went by way fast, so fast that one of my coworkers asked me today if I hadn't been able to go back to California.
But I don't think I would have had it any different.
I think the trip was enough for me to wake me up, but not make me dread going back to my new normal. The trip gave finality. It told me that I once belonged there, but now I have a calling somewhere else. I think it stung a bit but it was a sting that told me to enjoy what I have now because things will change, I'm not going to alway be where I am, and I have to savor the joy of the moments I have now.
I titled this blog whirlwinds, and I think it will have good reason. While we were driving across Northern Nevada, we came across a great many of dust devils, which are caused by whirlwinds. The dust from the desert get caught up in the wind and it starts spiraling towards the sky. The dust so easily was blown from its place and moved somewhere that maybe it didn't belong like the road. As I began thinking about this, I realized that was what my dad had been counseling me for...
As a new graduate (at least sort of my diploma has a December date but u just got it) I am extremely malleable. As I approach college, I carry an odd sort of wide eyed curiosity. I am entering a new world and I am not quite sure what to make of it. My dad is concerned, because in a way I'm not exactly the rock that will undoubtedly hold my place. I am sometimes, but I think he is afraid that I am still the dust that is so easily blown to the wrong places.
I have many goals. I want to become a publishe author. I want to become a doctor. And some day in my kind of but not really far off future, I would like to be able to have and raise a righteous family with a husband that treats me like my dad treats my mom, with the same unwavering love that he doesn't care if anyone else witnesses. But all of these things require my hard work. It requires me to be a rock, to not be blown by the winds of the world.
My track to college a few months ago was simple. I was going to get a job and save up. I got the job, I always knew it would be temporary, but every time I think of moving on now, I find it really hard. Some of it is because I really like the atmosphere, but I think I am also letting the wind blow me. I'm letting fear and ignorance keep me somewhere I don't belong. Now I believe that right now I really do belong there, but every time I think that farther down the line, I will have to quit to move on to bigger things, to achieve my goal, I become sad and start to figure out how I can stay.
For someone who had no clue I would be here a year ago and was eagerly embracing it, I am sure skidding to embrace the known future events.
I'm going to quote my dad and his council for a second here. My dad tells me often not to let my short term wants and desires keep me from attaining my long term goals.
I think it is council that every teen should recieve, and it is council I wish I hadn't brushed off as not applying to me until now.