So anyone who reads my books will know that Alyx is known for taking risks, risks that often pay off and get her where she wants to go. Unfortunately, I am nothing like her. I can write about risk taking, and talk about doing something all I like, when the time comes for me to take my own risk, I might just jump back like a scalded cat.
And this blog was going to go in a different direction, but then again, thinking about it now, it couldn't have gone any other way.
I live through my characters. When I am in the world of Alyx, I become her. I have no trouble jumping out of the helicopter, or charging into the enemy's hotel room with out back up. The problem is I can talk and talk about taking risks in real life. I'm going to do such and such, it'll be fun, but then I chicken out and run in the opposite direction. Ask my boss at work. I have been talking about this guy that I have a huge crush on for a year and a half, and now that things are happening, I'm freaking out. Because while I can talk and plan and plot, living the risk is a lot harder than writing about someone living the risk.
But it is definitely worth it.
The other day at work, I was giving my boss a million reasons why I couldn't do what he was suggesting, ranging from it won't happen, to I can't, in reference to this situation with this crush of mine. He told me that the thing that I feared most, that I was fighting against, if I followed through and took that risk, I could only benefit from it. I shook my head for the first 20 seconds, saying no way, I couldn't possibly benefit from what he was suggesting, but upon thinking about it, I looked at him and told him he was right and I hated it. I think my exact words were "Dang it you're right."
Now, I realized he was right because I thought of an experience I had with my friend Michaela at Great America when I was probably 13 or so. It was my first time ever going to a theme park, or in other words, my first experience riding roller coasters. The first on we rode was kind of ridiculous and we didn't like it, but we discovered we liked rides like the Grizzly. As we looked around though, we saw this ride that you stood to ride, and it had a loop and a corkscrew. I took one look at it and knew that I didn't ride it, but my friend really wanted to, so I made her a deal. I told her if we could find the entrance, I would ride it. Now at this point, we had been trying to find the entrance for most of the day, and I thought there was no chance we would. Well we did, and I had to make good on my promise. Turns out, this ride, Vortex, was our favorite ride, and we went back to ride it another 3 or 4 times. By taking the risk of getting on that ride, I found enjoyment.
And now I have myself really wanting to go ride it. I still haven't found another ride that I like as much as that one...
The point is, I took a risk, and I benefited from it, in multiple ways. I am now more likely to get on a roller coaster, because I discovered that unless you try it, you don't know if you'll like it. (I still refuse to do drop towers. Those are ridiculous. I need speed and corners and not just a vertical drop, but now I'm thinking I'm going to have to try it as research for a book...) I have nothing to lose from taking chances, of exiting my shell and talking to this boy that I have a crush on. If he doesn't like me, then at least I broke my shell and I can be better prepared to talk to the next one. If he does, well then I might just go crazy because my stories are coming true again.
I also have to take risks in writing. I can't tell you how many times I've written something, then tell myself that it doesn't work, that it's too brazen, and I need to mute it. I've taken a few of those risks in beginning to write New Gen Book 3. I began writing a chapter, and stopped several times, telling my self that it wasn't working, but going back and reading the chapter which is a couple chapters back now, I realized how powerful that chapter is. I posted the last line on Facebook when I wrote it, but I didn't realize that the whole chapter was brazen, and a risk, because you get into the head of the bad guy, the narrator starts justifying his actions, and that can be a very dangerous thing to do. By getting into their head, I'm allowing the reader to get closer to the bad guy, sympathizing with him, and if they sympathize with him, then how are they going to be happy when Alyx wins? But I have to get in his head to show how demonic he is. IT was a risk that paid off though, because as I was reading that chapter, I couldn't help but be impressed with the characters, surprised at how much I suddenly disliked Jackson.
The point is, you don't know what you are capable of unless you take a risk and try. I just discover my best writing yet, and I got there through brazen scenes using the antagonists.
Now, I just have to figure out how to have the courage to talk to a guy. It's a good thing my boss is going to be at work tomorrow. I'm going to need more advice.